One Year Ago Today...

...I lost my mother, Claire. She died peacefully at home with my brother by her side. She held on all week until he arrived from Grand Rapids, Michigan. I know she waited for him because she was gone in less than 24 hours after his arrival.

My mother was an amazingly artistic and complicated person. She was passionate about everything she loved to do. She was an accomplished horticulturist and won many awards at the Philadelphia Flower Show. She designed and maintained beautiful gardens at her home and grew many unusual flowers from around the world. She was eccentric and often difficult to get along with, but she loved her husband and family. She and my dad would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary six months after her death.

Today has been a rough day for me. I had a lot of trouble holding it together, especially in church. I'm glad we ended up having a busy day...church, lunch with friends, cutting down a Christmas tree, and a night out at the home of some friends. I was able to keep my mind off it for most of the day, but now it's late and I am consumed with missing her.

We had many discussions during the last couple of months of her life about heaven and the depth of love God had for her. I think she always felt she had to "clean up" to be acceptable to Him, not realizing He loves us in our brokenness. Her passion brought her great excitement in her life, but it also brought her great pain. Near the end, she wanted to know more about His ways and His love for her that had always been there. She wanted to know more about salvation and His wonderful free gift for all of us. I pray that in her quiet moments near the end, she made a decision for Christ.

I miss her passion, her sense of humor, and her love. My kids miss their "Nana." I wish that she was here to encourage me with this adoption. She adopted my sister and I as babies, and adoption was very close to her heart. I know she would just be so excited about her new little grandson and do everything possible to help us get him here. When we first told her that we were adopting a special needs child from China, she was adamant about getting the best care for her eyes and getting her here ASAP! She was immediately on the phone with the airlines, seeing what could be done. She ended up giving Chris and I all her air miles so we could get to China and back. As far as passion and determination, our Claire is appropriately named for her Nana.

If you're lucky enough to still have your mom, give her some extra hugs and tell her how much you love her. What I wouldn't give to do that right now!